The Sopranos – Closed Captions – #15 – Do Not Resuscitate – Sopranoland – As Seen on E! True Hollywood Story
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Episode #15 Transcript
Do Not Resuscitate
Captioned by HBO Communications Center,
©2000 Home Box Office,
a division of Time Warner Entertainment Company, L.P.
Images are not thumbnails,
so fuhgeddaboutit!

(buzzer) three fucking weeks it takes you to put me on your visitor’s list? Just be careful. These motherless fucks listen to everything. A nephew’s visiting his uncle… Who loves him. I got nothing to say to you. So many tragedies and near tragedies to those close to you. Don’t be so fucking smart. Things could have gone the other way, my little nephew. Yeah, but they didn’t. What’s all this shit I’m hearing about your heart? This problem you and me had… I want you to know your mother had nothing to do with it. She’s dead to me. She’s a sick woman, she don’t have all her marbles. Who the fuck are you kidding? It’s killing you that people are talking… That an old woman made an asshole out of you. Not half so bad as certain rumors floating around this place about you. How Tony soprano likes to fluff up his mother’s pillow so she can get a nice long sleep. Who said that? You want to make all this nonsense disappear? Make peace with her, it’ll look like no bad blood, it’ll be good for all of us. No fucking way. You tell that fat fuck, bacala, tell him to come out from his mouse hole, I want to see him tomorrow. What for?


(Male) the black man industrialized the north but we’re still fighting for jobs. Over 25 joint-fitters on this work site, not a black man to be found. (Male) tell ’em, reverend. I’ll tell you why. Black joint-fitters, like all black artisans, have been shut out of the union. Out of work while their white joint-fitter is filling his stomach. My father put his life on the line for this country. C’mon up here, papa. Somebody help my papa up here. This is my papa! Fought in world war ii, the war against tyranny, came home to establish his own tabernacle. When he came home, I said when he came home, he had to fight a different kind of war all over again. Talk to them, papa, talk to the people, papa. Since then we have spilled our blood in Korea, Vietnam and Iraq. Every time I say, sweet Jesus, let them do right by our boys when they get back here. But somebody forgot to tell the man. Now, you know what I’m talking about. Tell them! Yes, I’m gonna tell them. I’m gonna tell them no more cutting us out. No more! (Crowd) no more! No more! (Crowd) no more! You hear that, Mr. Masserone brothers’ construction? No more! Somebody tell me what we want! (Crowd) jobs! When do we want ’em? (Crowd) now! Want do we want?! (Crowd) jobs!

Hey, med! I’m going to visit she who’s name may not be uttered. Wanna come? Grandma? You mean like now? I’d really like to but I gotta study my French. Stupid verbs. No biggie. Hey. I want to talk to you. What the fuck were you doing with that real estate sign? Oh, yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that. I’m selling ma’s house, you understand, Janice? I put that fucking sign back in the fucking ground and that’s it! End of discussion, period! You’re so left brain. Whether the sign’s there or not the house is still for sale, the agent still has the listing. Then what was the sign doing in the back seat of your car? Don’t try to deny it! Because I’m trying to save a little money, is that alright? Do you remember Cathy fiola? She was in my class at sacred heart with the birthmark. What about her? She’s in real estate now. She said she’d only charge a three percent commission. That’s half, Tony, thousands of dollars. It may not mean anything to you, but maybe ma could use it. Yeah? Fuck her. And next time you disappear for a week, take that piece of shit and park it in the fucking street! This isn’t a fucking hotel!


We’re out of cran-apple, Mrs. S., Is plain apple okay? Oh, sure, dear. Oh, honey? Do you suppose you could get me some strawberry ice cream? They can’t expect me to eat this tapioca. I’ll see what I can do. She cracks me up. Well, I can’t believe it. It’s my daughter from California. It’s Seattle, ma. Would you like some of my tapioca? Good morning. Oh, you reek of cigarettes. Look at you. All dressed, out of bed. You see my hand? It’s all black and blue from where they stuck in the needle. That’s how you get better. You don’t care. You weren’t here five minutes. I had to go to the city for a few days. I’m pitching my self-help video. “Lady Kerouac”, or “packing for the highway to a woman’s self-esteem.” You could never stand it here. You could never stand yourself and that’s why you ran away. Let’s not go there today, ma. You think it was easy for me? You don’t know the kind of man your father was! What do you mean? Nobody knows! Nobody knows what I went through. What about daddy? One thing I could tell you, it would kill him to see me now. Here’s your ice cream, Mrs. S, then we can take our walk. Leave me alone, please. Open the window and just push me out. I can’t take this anymore. Mrs. Soprano, what’s wrong, what happened? She just started crying. You, I know why you’re here. You don’t fool me for a second. You’re here because you want to take my house. Ma! You don’t know what goes through this mind of mine. That’s for fucking sure! Someday I hope you have children of your own and they treat you like this. I gave my life to my children on a silver platter. This is bullshit.


Talk to me. These fucking activists, they’re killing me. They’re picketing my place 24-7. Three days I’m down already. Who? This hard-on, rev. Herman James jr. He’s an old song, not enough minorities doing the joint-fitting. You were told the joint fitters union is under my uncle’s jurisdiction. I know. But if you could pave the way for me to talk to your uncle, so he could maybe send some guys down and make it uncomfortable for these people. Like you did with your unions before. It’s gonna cost you. Besides what you’re already raping me for those no-show electrician jobs? You’re not such a fucking citizen when you want a construction bid to go your way. Take it easy. I’ll see what I can do. Meantime, call animal control. Watch you don’t get followed meeting me.


You’re late. Bobby Baccalieri, the last man standing. I don’t want to say nothing, tony. You don’t want to get yourself in trouble. A lot of funerals in your corner of the world, huh, bobby? What’d you have to do, refinance your house? Don’t look at the floor, bobby, look at me. I want you to talk to that bald cocksucker who calls himself my father’s brother. Tell him i’m gonna let him keep on earning. Subsistence level. He’ll be able to pay his defense lawyers. Let me say for him, thank you. You’re gonna hear some high-end shit. And “a”, I hope you could understand it, and “b”, I hope you keep it between this room and junior. Because if you don’t, I promise you, they’re gonna find pieces of you in eight different dumpsters. I inherited junior. I don’t think you got reason to talk to me this way. I always liked you. Bullshit. But we’ll assume you do now. You tell my uncle that he gets to keep five percent, five percent of his shy, his sports betting, same with the coke. The joint fitters union, it’s all his, okay? Bobby, listen, this is very important. He also gets to keep his stripes. As far as the feds are concerned, they got the boss of the family in jail, awaiting trial, and if they hear different, it creates confusion. Got it. As far as the rest of everything that junior owned, it’s now mine. I’ll get this to him, tony. That’s it. “To the victor, belongs the spoils.” Why don’t you get the fuck out of here before I shove your quotations book up your fat fucking ass!



Mr. Bompensiero? Is your wife here to drive you home? Skip. Skip? How we feeling? Fucking great. He’s gonna be out of it for another hour or so. The injection went great. You’ll feel the difference in your back in a couple of days. Buzz me when he feels ready to leave. Yeah, we’ll buzz you, honey. Bzz, bzz… My back don’t feel one iota different. Doctor said it’ll take a couple days for the steroids to kick in. I gotta get my jacuzzi. Too much stress in your life, sal. Tony doesn’t know you’re back yet, does he? Jesus christ, no, I didn’t go see him yet. You guys are all alike. We’ve seen guys drag their dicks before, take advantage of the government’s generosity, playing both ends against the middle. Will you give me a window over here? Tony already thinks maybe I flipped. I gotta be careful. Jimmy altieri ate the pill for you. Any suspicion about being an informant went to the grave with jimmy altieri. Yeah, yeah. I know tony 30 years, now this? Spare me, okay? You’ve been on our tit since ’98. Fucking chauffeur service to and from the doctor, that we had to find for you. If we’re gonna let you back on the streets and earn, we want results. The fuck tried to suffocate his own mother! She’s a disgrace. His own uncle wanted him whacked. You said so for yourself, he’s been shitting on you for years. I know what I said. Plus he’s been crying to a shrink twice a week. You don’t owe this man dick. Don’t sit there and tell me you’re gonna take a bullet for some yuppie who thinks you’re his errand boy.



Your honor, this man should not be removed from custody for medical reasons. Every time we get one of these elder mafiosos incarcerated, we get the same bag of tricks. Your honor, I take offense at the characterization of my client as a mafioso. Mr. Soprano has not been found guilty of anything. He’s awaiting trial for alleged offenses. Noted. With all due respect to the state’s medical facilities, in his condition, mr. Soprano has every right to pursue the best possible medical care that he can afford. Mr. Soprano is suffering from a very benign illness, a few clogged arteries, your honor. I’m leaning towards releasing this man from lock-up unless you can demonstrate a serious flight risk. Mr. Soprano, if I approve this you will be under what is called “house arrest”. Do you understand this concept? Not really. It means that you must remain in your primary residence and cannot leave, except for doctor’s appointments, food shopping. Your honor, the government asks for an electronic bracelet. Your honor, while we certainly agree to house arrest, we are asking that mr. Soprano not be further persecuted for yet to be proven allegations. He shows no prior arrest since 1968. He pays his taxes, and he’s a veteran of the second world war. Mr. Soprano, do you have any problem with wearing an electronic bracelet? It sounds like nazi germany to me. Obviously, you need a history lesson, sir. I don’t think that we– you and I, should let our shared sorrow or biases enter into this, judge. He’s wearing a bracelet… To avoid any risk of flight.


(Buzzer) who are you? Jesus christ, you scared the shit out of me. Jesus ain’t got nothing to do with it. Now what do you want here? Looking for your son, is he around? You a friend? Is he around? He’ll be back here soon. Well, c’mon in. You were a good looking guy back then. Still am. Still got the same teeth as in that picture. Oh, yeah? Go on and laugh. Picture was taken 57 years ago. So that makes you…? Old. C’mon, how old are you? 75. Add eight more and you got it. 83, get the fuck out of here. What do you want with my son? Got a little business I gotta discuss with him. If you say so. So, you’re 28 years old when world war ii starts. That’s a little long in the tooth, isn’t it? ’43, they was taking everyone, no matter how old or how ugly. Even took this fat boy I knew. He was already 34. Wasn’t no good to nobody, except he could cook. I swear he was more dangerous with that stove than he was with that rifle. You ever watch the history channel? Television? No, this is the history channel. I think you’d like it. They even do a lot of that bible shit. Only shit in the bible came out of pharaoh’s ass when moses parted the red sea. Parted the red sea, praise his name. Never underestimate a man’s determination to be free. Um… I’ll catch up with your son another time.



You break that, you’re paying for it. If i’d have known you were gonna get out so fast with this medical shit I never would’ve talked to that calzone with legs. He gave me the message. Don’t fucking pout. Be grateful I’m letting you earn. What’s on your mind? How’d you swing this? This dr. Schreck, he’s monty schreck’s kid. Monty, the bookie’s son? He’s a cardiologist. That’s not bad. Law says feds can’t bug your doctor’s office. Let’s me use this place whenever I need to to conduct business. So, you heard about masserone construction? Bacala is taking care of it. The joint-fitters know he speaks for me. It’s gotta go 60-40, my way. Did you do what I asked? What did you ask me to do? You know, make peace. You listen… That’s enough with that shit, that woman is dead to me. You let it go! Why the fuck should I? She’s my brother’s wife. She doesn’t realize what she says half the time. Let’s put our cards on the table here. I heard your radio debut on those tapes the feds made at green grove. So she doesn’t know what she’s saying half the time. Which half did you listen to? The half that doesn’t make any sense, or the half that we both know played you like a fucking child? Nobody played me. She didn’t know that she was setting you up to get popped. That’s right. Your uncle isn’t as dumb as you think. You and that miserable fuck, altieri. That rat bastard, all of my capos, meeting behind my back. Let sleeping dogs lie, okay? I have my reasons. I’ll tell you one dog you left still barking, that fucking freddie capuano. That motherless money-grubbing little son-of-a-bitch– the guy who owns green grove retirement community? He’s like an old fucking lady! He’s been going around telling soprano business to anybody who’ll listen! He’s the one that’s been saying that shit about you trying to whack your mother. Even implied that me and her… That hairpiece motherfucker.



Did everybody take a vow of silence or something? Nobody’s got anything to report? I gotta write a report on dna for biology. Isn’t that interesting? I just saw on “inside edition” how there will be no more unknown soldiers because of dna now. They will be able to identify every single casualty of combat. Pass me more of that macaroni and cheese. You know, tony, I know you don’t like to talk about her, but… That woman is impossible. She’s a complete narcissist, I mean, “me, me, me”. Really kudos. You are a saint. You were right the first time, I don’t want to talk about it. You talking about grandma? She pushes those buttons, she’s a big baby. You know? Excusez-moi. Tony. This is my house. How many times I gotta say it? Thank you, il duce. You got something to say? The little girl who’s about to get her license might want to use one of those cars in driveway in the next hundred years. It’s my fault, med. I wasn’t sensitive to his feelings. Thank you. You see that? You see how easy that was? So, mr. Delegated power of attorney, have you given it any thought? Can my girlfriend have the listing? You know, of the house? As long as it gets sold, I don’t give a fuck who lists it. Hey, what did one prick say to the other prick? You see that? See what happens with you cursing at the dinner table?




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