The Sopranos – Closed Captions – #17 – Commendatori – Sopranoland – As Seen on E! True Hollywood Story
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Episode #17 Transcript
Captioned by HBO Communications Center,
©1999 Home Box Office,
a division of Time Warner Entertainment Company, L.P.

Get out of the way. Remember to say please. I can’t watch this again. This is the DVD. This is the advanced bootleg. These are the alternate takes. What, are you gonna call coppola with ideas on how to fix it? I do not believe this. Ho! Oh, c’mon. The disk is in there! You know what scene I love most? “It was you, fredo.” Ton’, you gonna go see your uncle first if you decide to go over there? Yeah. That would be smart. Fucking disk! Somebody should tell paramount pictures to get their shit together. We’re gonna be stealing thousands more of these things. So, how was junior last time you saw him? His life is about motrin these days. Ton’, what’s your favorite scene? I can’t have this conversation again. Hit eject! Don ciccio’s villa, when vito goes back to Sicily. The crickets, the great old house. Oh, it’s fucking beautiful. Maybe ’cause I’m going over there, you know? I was in the army signal corp. What this thing needs is what we call a brogan adjustment. What’s that, you know how? Yep.


(Radio announcer) this is “1010 wins”. You give us 22 minutes, we’ll give you the world. (Male) temperatures are expected to drop tomorrow after another scorching day in the city. Right now it’s 96° at Caldwell, La Guardia’s 94, and it’s 98° in central park and on the upper east side… Great. It’s like this every Sunday and every Sunday you say “great”, like it’s the first time. Could we please lower the air conditioning? I’m doing it for godsake! I just got this car. I’m not familiar with the instrument panel. Get up out the fucking car! Take the car, take the car! Get the fuck out the car! You nasty bitch, get the fuck out of here! Smack the shit out of you. Go! Okay, okay, okay! Churchill, Churchill! Damnit, man. Sic ’em, Churchill! Evan, no! Sic ’em, Churchill! C’mon, Churchill. Churchill. Fucking niggers. Barry! Who else, huh? Who else?!


(Phone) (female) west essex orthopedic group. Mr. Soprano? Okay if my nephew comes in? He’s got some questions for the doc about my hip and all. Of course. The doctor will be right with you. Perhaps your nephew can help you with your clothes. You want some help? I’m not gonna take my pants off until I know this prick is gonna x-ray me again. Hurts like the fucking pit and the pendulum just to wipe myself. So what do you want to talk about? Going over to the other side. See that friend of ours over there. My car operation. Lose the miserable puss, it’s mine now. What’s your question? Our friend, what’s he like to deal with? What’s he like? Yeah. I only met him one time. He came over on “the michelangelo”, 1961. Now, that was traveling. The fucking Italian line. The food, the service, are you kidding me? We had some bon voyage party’s on that boat. He’s a serious man, zi vittorio. Serious how? You know what I mean. Heads up, sonny boy. He don’t listen to opera, vittorio, which is a fucking break. Isn’t he like a distant cousin of ours? It’s so far removed by now, tonto’s a closer cousin to you. We deal with him through a guy named furio giunta, he speaks English. Going to Italy, huh? Yeah. Nice, I never went. It’s not over yet.



And we don’t get to go? You got school. What about mom? She knows it’s a business trip. Don’t you think she might like a little interlude, just the two of you? You know when we’d like a little interlude, just the two of us? Right now. Not my idea to have me set the table. Carm, you want me to help with the roast? (Carmela) it’s right there on the counter. Carm, it’s a business trip. Okay? It is, it’s not worth the jet lag. Did I say anything? God! Naples, ischia and capri. And, oh, the food. (Silverware drops) shit. Look, I know last year, tom and barb, the trip to the Bahamas, I said I didn’t have time. You didn’t. It was football season. Meadow, can you tell your brother dinner’s ready? It’s our busiest months.


Junior’s last shipment went to Naples two months ago. 30 containers, two cars to a container. Junior had to give the operation over to who, specifically? Ray curto. Okay, good work, Sal. There’s something else you should know. They’re talking like the Moltisanti kid might get his button. Tony, where’s he at with junior these days? They ain’t spoke in months. Are you bein’ straight with me? Oh, pussy! What the fuck? How’s it going, colonel? How you doing, Jimmy? What’d I hear, you were in Puerto Rico? I was playing there once during the hurricanes, never again, I said. Jimmy, let me introduce you to a friend of ours. This is Joey from Dover, Delaware. No shit! I live in Dover, here, Jersey. That’s right, I forgot. Joey, know where they got the name Dover from? The cliffs, I’m assuming. That’s right, very good. Jimmy, does it fucking matter? Joey, I knew this guy when he had social graces. It’s for Marisa’s oldest’s sixth birthday. The kids are all grown, aren’t they puss, what are ya doin’ here? It’s my daughter’s birthday. I’m picking up some shit for a bachelor party. I’m trying to think. Did I ever meet any connected guys from Delaware? That fucking box looks heavy. The answer is… No, no, no. Alright look, I got to go fellows. Joey. Nice to meet you. You, Mr. Rude Cocksucker, see you around baby. Motherfucker, motherfucker! Take it easy, that went fine. He saw me with you. You come all the way to a fucking party store and still somebody’s got to see you? Sal listen, that went fine. Just know this, you’re doing a good job.




(Andrea Bocelli playing) you must be so relieved pussy is back. You must be so happy. Was a long time. Did he ever tell you where he was? Oh, he don’t like to worry me. Not even a card? That’s got to be a worry. It’s horrible. Anyway, you must be so happy. We’re back to our old routine. Ah, I love this song. Mmm. Oh honey, I know, your jackie. Listen to me, going on about how happy I am and you a widow. Que sera sera. What will be will be. God, he’s so handsome, this guy too. He’s blind, you know. Jesus Christ! Angie. My god. I’m sure he’s adjusted to it. Christ, you fucking idiot, rosalie! I’m not happy Sal is back. Angie! I’m sad and depressed. I’ve thought of killing myself. Fucking nosy? Eat your monigott’. God forgive me. When he did come home that day, I was upstairs, I heard the door and then his voice, “I’m home.” I fucking wanted to vomit. After all that worrying he might be dead, praying he was okay. My heart just sank, I wished– he had died. Oh. To just come and go year after year like that. How dare he! Have you reached out to him? That’s a good one. Listen, and I don’t want my kids to know this. They found a lump under my arm. Oh my god. They biopsied it, I get the results in a couple days. Anyway, I told sal, he said, “Jesus Christ”, kind of alarmed a little. Then he went back to doin’ whatever the fuck he was doin’. Spraying WD-40 on his pocket knife. Hasn’t asked me how I am. Touch my face, or something when he comes in. So angie, what are you gonna do? Benign, malignant, I’m getting a divorce.



Look at this place. The mother country. Here, they make it real. Vesuvius, Jesus, who’s gonna tell artie that mural he spent that money on looks like a used Trojan compared to this? You notice the women? Know what I realized on the plane? Even the skanks are worth fucking! Those were my feelings too. Paison, tutto gli whaddya call it… Hey, you did alright. Two definite agendas I got, hit the topless beaches and see that fucking crater. I don’t care what anybody says, I’m there. Look at this fucking place. It’s been here a thousand years. Hey t, check out the bank. (Male) Anthony soprano. Yeah. Hey how are you? This is the friend of ours Sil and me been talking to. This is Paulie, this is Christopher. My boss nino say you can fresh up, maybe little sleep, then we will pick you up at eight. And he will meet us for fare la business. Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Nino? I mean, I never heard of– I’m sure he’s a nice guy and everything. But vittorio will be there, right? Maybe no. Commendatori, you are already checked in. Commendatori, like a commander, I like that, that’s respect.


So did you hear? You’re talking about the Bompenseiros, right? Hang on gab, call waiting, it may be Tony from Italy. Hello? I didn’t sleep a wink last night, my god, isn’t this awful? Did you tell franny altieri? Ooh no, she’s gonna shit when she hears this.

(Speaking Italian) what time Christopher say he’d get here? He’s got that titanium club I wanted to give to don V. Any time now. He was just going down to corso to buy a gift for adrianna. (Speaking Italian) (Italian) nino say we always ask your uncle for more cars, but he was no supplier. That why I’m here. Tell him we can fill any orders. And also mention, no offense, we were hoping zi vittorio would be here. Anything you want to talk to vittorio about that I don’t know? No. (Italian) nino is a little disappointed in your attitude of him. Mi dispiace, nino I’m sure that I’ll learn much, doing business with a man like you. It’s an honor. He said– (Italian) nino is happy to be at your disposal. My uncle’s problem was he went to the Russians in Brooklyn, too much for the cars. Now, they kept the best stuff for themself, shipped it off to St. Petersburg. Slovenia and Montenegro, they got people over there that profited from those conflicts. They got fuckin’ bails of liquid cash. You got contacts in the markets over there. Ton’, you try this octopus yet? I’m talking here. You’re like a fucking child. With the food and the pussy, what’s going on here, paulie? This is a big thing to me, t. I was never over here, okay? My brother was and my other brother the doctor was, with all his bullshit. (Italian) how mucha you charge-a un car? Mercedes ml series, very popular. In eastern Europe you can sell this car for 110, 120 thousand. My price to you, 90 grand. (Italian) it’s manufactured in America. (Italian) what did he fucking say? That’s don vittorio. Anthony soprano. Don vittorio, it’s an honor. Wheelchair, aboolebarda! Think– something’s wrong with the wheelchair. He say “wheelchair boulevard”. My name is annalisa. I am his daughter. Piacere. Piacere, Tony. Psst. George-a washington-a, bridge-a. Right, very good, George Washington bridge. Ton’, you give this guy a golf club, he’ll probably try to fuck it. I come three thousand fucking miles, you never said nothing about this guy nino, all of a sudden he’s my blind date? Nino was in hide from the police until two day ago. I don’t even think mauro zucca now he’s here. Who the fuck is mauro zucca? Mauro zucca run this family. Obviously, zi vittorio. Then I should be talking to mauro zucca. Mauro zucca is serving a life sentence. Hey you, come here. Yes, signore. Can I just get some macaroni and gravy? (Italian) paulo, he doesn’t know what you says, you mean grapes? Uva? Gravy, gravy, tomato sauce. Nino, he’s insecure. It effects everything he says, capice? I will talk on the side to the ear of annalisa. What the fuck good is that gonna do? She is the wife of mauro zucca. Camillo, where’s the pisciadood? Down the stairs, go left. Ma-jor-digan expressa-way. Right, major deegan expressway. I’m sorry if he’s hassle you. You spend a lot of time in the states? Papa went, I never been, English from school, and films. When could we get a chance to talk? Come to our house, stay a while. I will personally give you a tour of the… Surroundings area. Avellino? Where your family’s from. I don’t want to put you out. No, you should have been guest to our house. But with my father condition now. I send you the car at nine? Fine. Ton’. I look forward to it, excuse me. I’m gonna hoof it back to the excelsior. I got to take a wicked shit. Can you stop fucking interrupting me? We’ve been offered a ride here, you now how these people are about formalities, why didn’t you use the one in there? I didn’t have to go then.

(Firecrackers going off) it’s just a kid. The kid only got firecrackers on him.





(Carmela) we’re gettin’ ready to eat. Oh yeah, forgot it was dinner time for you. How’s Italy? The time change and everything. I forgot, sorry. How’s Italy? Got to be honest with you. Pretty freaking good. We’ll have to come back here. Yeah, right. So how’s the food? It’s okay, lots of fish. Sounds like you’re working too hard. Why don’t you take the kids down to great wall, get some Chinese? You know Tony, don’t tell me how to spend my time. If I want the excitement of Chinese food, I don’t need your permission. It’s not permission, it’s just an idea. U know what? Fine, I’ll hang up. Well if the trip is as bland as this phone call. There’s nothing going on. What do you want me to say to you, seriously?

You better not say what you saw, jimmy. I shove that Elvis shit right up your ass. I’ll shove a rutabaga in your mouth jimmy. Keep you quiet. A turnip in there. Sal! You’re having a nightmare.
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